It's been awhile. Real life dropped by as it is wont to do, shook me by the shoulders, and then left me wanting and disoriented. The truth is I had to put SL aside and figure out what was going on with my life - because it was going no where and I realized that if I didn't set my personal wheels in motion then I was going to wind up living in my car with no future.
Those who know me know that I've been looking for work. I've been out of work since November. At first I was like, 'Oh, I'll get a job right away and everything will be okay.' I tried to not let it get me down as the first three months ticked by without anything. Luckily, I had - and do have still - unemployment. It barely pays, but at least it's something to hold on to to help along. However, as the months passed, the deadline for my benefits was coming dangerously to a close. I found myself wasting a lot of my time bent over my computer. In fact, I was spending probably 90% of my time online, if not more. I would wake up, not get dressed from my pajamas, drink a pot of coffee, and just be online. I neglected my home, my car, and my health. I sank so low into depression that I had to struggle to stay up on my hygiene - and when you're having personal arguments with yourself to take a shower, you know you have a problem. I had sunk low into depression (a condition I struggle with, but usually self manage just fine) and couldn't see any way out of my current situation.
Luckily my graphics card fried. Without it, I realized SL was a big distraction from my misery, and I used it as a blanket to cower behind while the real world was progressing to a bleaker future. The thing is, I have goals. I have a certain thing that I want to do pretty much more than anything - and that's move. But how is that going to happen if I have no money? How about when I get to where I want to be? My field is not in that state, there are no job prospects for me there and in order to move up to the state where my SL boyfriend lives, I have to have a job. See, I want to take care of me - not move up there and be a financial burden to someone. My outlook was so poor that I couldn't seem to make my goals come to fruition.
Today I am in a much better place. I just...sort of snapped out of it. No, the magical job fairies were not going to provide me with a job that 400-500 people in my county were applying for. No, that winning lotto ticket wasn't going to come into my possession. No, feeling sorry for myself and wasting my life wasn't going to make things better.
I decided while I was on unemployment, I was going to make a drastic career change after reviewing the Department of Labor Statistics. I re-enrolled in school. I've been going now for a month and I love it. Being in a place where I was actively making a change in my life raised me up a few notches on the feel-good-o-meter. Suddenly, I had responsibility again. I had a schedule again! Also, I have a job starting officially on Monday. What's best? It's in my new field and with a national company that, hopefully, will allow me to transfer when I am ready to move. These are two goals I set out for myself. Get accepted in this school. Get a job with this company. I have met them. I feel good! Life, I hope, is finally going my way.
Second Life no longer serves as a vice to hide with. It's no longer a wall between me and reality. Because of this, I feel I can return and spend more time here than I have been these past two months.